Lucie's Laurels

Day after day, week after week
The answer I will try to seek
Month after month, year after year
And still myself I seem to fear.

I can’t find me in the confusion
I can’t find my life, my moods and
I just cant go on this way
Living life like this day to day

I’m thinking of just giving up
Leaving life, leaving f**k!
I hope to find answers one day
They in rest I can lay

For now I’ll struggle through it all
Until the day when I will fall
I pick my self up at the moment
Trying to escape this torment

So one day I hope to find
That which I need – peace of mind
So I can live another day
I think I will, come what may.

I want to laugh, and smile and dance,
I want to learn to sing
I want to be able to find
Hope in everything.

My friends all seem to leave me
When I need them the most
And faith, what faith is that?
What father, son and holy ghost?!

I need a friend to rely on
A person who knows me
I need someone who’ll let me live
Who’ll truly let me be.

Maybe I’m just being blind
To the good things in my life
Maybe I’m just holding on
To pain and hurt and strife.

I need to find a way out
Of all this misery
I know I have the potential
To be truly free.

New friendships are forming
New tales to tell,
I hope that I can keep them
And hope that all will be well.

I know it will sound stupid
But one person I must thank
For understanding and not judging
Helped me when I sank.

Gill I wrote this for you
Said to you I would
Hope it’s satisfactory
Really hope it’s good.

You’ll never understand me
The way my mind will move
But thank you for being there
Thank you, for being you.

I hope you find your peace of mind
I hope that so will I
Together we’ll get through this
If we both really try.

Tomorrow, it will never come
Yesterday forever gone
Today is now, it’s living
And this we aspire from.

My poem’s getting twisted
I must apologise
This is where I end it
In final verse, and line

I'm getting tired of waiting
For things to re-define
I know that I will never find
That f***ing silver line

My clouds are only stormy
With no incline of light
And I think I have simply
Given up with this last fight

The only way I really know
That i’m actually alive
Is when I feel the damage done
By my almighty knife

And so I think I’ll end it
One day, one day near
For then the pain I feel inside
Will melt away, be clear.

I know that I will be around
For a short while to come
But worry not, if you do care -
From death, new life is born

Sure I have bad mood swings,
Always seem to be low
I find it hard to concentrate.
Do they understand? Hell no.

Focusing on the good things
Is something I try to do.
After all I have a future,
And something I want to aspire to.

But living with these feelings
Is like living in hell
And I have to pretend to those around me
That everything’s just swell.

An actor to my loved ones
Hiding things inside,
Trying to face awareness
And a sense of pride.

But I don’t see things happening
Around me day to day
And no one seems to understand
No matter what I say

Nothing’s ever good enough
For dad, or mum, or me
And I don’t know how I find
The strength to still believe.

I try to explain everything
So one day they will see
That the way I act around them
Is how I cope with being me

Time after time I’ve felt like quitting
Lying down to die,
But I just can’t seem to say
The words, that mean goodbye.

I wish I had the strength to leave
And find a better life,
Wish I could pluck the courage up
To press harder with the knife

But living is a challenge
Everyone has to face
We’ll all survive together
And one day leave this place.

We’ll find a better world
Everyone can enjoy
Where it doesn’t matter who you are
Whether you’re girl or boy.

Someone holds the key to there
The place where we shall meet
Where everything’s as it should be
Perfect and complete

I know I’ll make it one day
My soul will learn to fly
But I’ll hold on to the ‘good’ things
Until then, and I’ll fight

Light through my window on a cloudy day
Bird still there singing out in the rain
The leaves on the breeze will dance and flow
But just like me one day they’ll go.

You can’t control people living
It’s their right; it’s their way
To do what they do when they do it
Some will leave when they should stay

You can watch your life pass by you
Not giving it a chance to shine,
But only one life you are given,
I want to make the most of mine.

My history is dark and dim
I hold much pain deep within
It surfaces now and again
To haunt my life, my love, my friends.

Sometimes I want to throw away
My life, not live another day
Why’s it so difficult to be me?
I should be able to believe.

In love in life, in everything
They do say time is on the wing
I feel my time is running
Is that why I fear, why I doubt?

So tomorrow is another day
And some how I will find a way
To get there, to my future good.
But I would go now, if I could.

Of course there are people I can trust
With secrets and I feel I must
Devote this poem to all of them
And so I call it ‘Good dreams, Great friends’.

Everyone has to confide
In someone at some time
I’m lucky, my friends care
(At least I hope so, and I dare)

So until the end of time
I’ll try to find a peace of mind,
And try to trust myself as well
So I can escape this hell.

The world is wonderful, I’m told
So beautiful to behold
So why can’t I like all the rest
Learn to live in happiness?

Scenery I don’t take in,
I don’t know what lies within
My body, heart and soul alike
And with myself I seem to fight.

Yet I know love with lift me from
This hell in which I now belong,
And I will be alive again
All thanks to you, my trusted friend

Day after day I tried to place
That smile, that laugh and yes that face.
I couldn’t make it out I guess
Didn’t know who’d gone to rest

After months of walking alone
I sat and look over a poem,
The words touched me deep inside
So much so I even cried.

Then I realised who I’d lost,
A friend I should have know the most
About, and when I look I see
The person gone was only me.

One day you grow, and see the world
For what it is, and it is cold
At times, and others warm
Your life begins to toss and turn
Things seem different day to day
Sometimes bad, but come what may

Problems never go away
Until you face them on the day.
The day you wish to change your world,
And learn to act out and be bold
Your day will come, until it does.

People around me come and go,
Walk back and forwards, to and fro,
But I don’t know what brings them down
Or how they live without a frown,
I don’t know the half of it,
As alone and cold I sit.

But then a thought occurs to me,
As I look at the life I lead.
You have to take things as they come
And learn to love, and care ‘cause from
The heart and soul your life begins
And I must learn to look within

For inside me is pain and hurt,
A flame that only seems to burn,
But also happiness at times,
When sorrow melts and me is mine.
This world holds secrets to the heart,
And this is where I have to start.