TJ's Truths

Trapped inside a maze of masks,
Try and find me, its a heavy task.
When you do, let me know-
Just who is ----- ----- -----.

Behind the sofa, under the chair,
where ever you look, you'd better beware.
For if you find me, I'm not what I seem,
Be careful, or you'll enter my nightmare dream.

If you find your way in, you may not be safe,
Inside my secret hidden cave
Unaware the water rises,
See, I produce a box of surprises.

Enter my world if you dare
Reach in and grab me if you care,
I may give a fight,to that I'm prone
You see, I'm use to being alone.

The pain so deep, the wound so sore,
The price I paid for your love.
A price I can't afford any more
For, it is never enough

I've tried so hard to please you
And did all that you asked.
I lost my childhood innocence
And now, live behind a mask.

I watch you from a place high above
What you gave me isn't love
You said it was, I believed like a fool
But what you did was more than cruel

My mind takes off like a bird in flight
Soaring deep into the night
Out there I'm free, I have no care
The best is you can't reach me there

Do your best, do your worse
I'm not there receiving the curse
Someone else takes my place
She has no name, she has no face.

The kid is naked
Crying in pain
Don't move a muscle
They'll come again

The kid is tired
Red, black, blue
Why won't you listen
She's calling you.

The kid is angry
Screaming, rage
Open your eyes
This isn't a stage

The kid goes quiet
What has she done
She opened her mouth
But you didn't come

The kid broke the rule
Punishment, pain
Quietly dying
Begin the game

The kid is me
could even be you
Shut down all systems
All you can do.

She came at a time to take my place
Back then a welcome friend,
Now she comes, invades my space
Territory now to defend.

She's not welcome in my life anymore
Shadows of a painful past.
She's still stuck, back at age four
She's breaking through my mask

Shadows and secrets trying to tell
She's taking control of my life.
She wants me to take her out of hell
The torments and battles are rife.

Red shoes they hold the key
Of secrets left to tell
To get this child away from me
I must face 'red shoe' hell.

Smell the fear, taste the pain
The bitter salty water
It's time to go back there again
When I stopped being a daughter.

There isn't many a spoken word,
My silent pleas you've already heard.
The fading print of passing times,
You've learn't to read between the lines.

Like pages of history in a book,
You read my life in my eyes when you look,
But there's a page you've not yet found,
It's guarded by a nightmare hound.

Come too close and you'll feel the fear,
A verocious hound, unannounced will appear.
To guard his claim, his ultimate prize,
Get caught in his jaws and you're paralysed.

When the hound is deep in sleeping,
Then you'll find me quietly weeping.
For a secret that makes me want to shout,
But I can't let you know whilst the hound is about.

I care for you and you musn't get caught,
Come into my world and you'll leave distraught.
I'll give it to someone I really don't like,
'Cos it won't matter if they're caught in his bite.

Don't ask her 'why?'
'cos she can't explain.
It'll cause her to cry
Inside, there's such pain.

She can't find a reason
To explain the deep need.
She knows only the season
time, the child to feed.

To feed with care
and a hug or two.
To just be there
For the child, so blue.

In darkness of night
She feels the bitter chill,
Against sleep she must fight
In her dreams, she's chased still.

There's no escaping the past,
All the abusive years
The fantasy can't last,
Sleep, exposing her fears.

In her dreams she's alone,
There is no-one near by
They can't hear the phone,
Or her desperate cry.

When the pain gets too much
She is jilted awake,
The reality is such
Her whole body will shake.

They again comes the battle
To keep her eyes open.
The voices so subtle
'It's time' are the only words spoken.

She's drifting again
back to her nightmare,
But your calls aren't in vain
She'll hear, if you care.

For only you can snatch her
Back into this world.
If you love her and hold her
Let her cries be heard.

She's played all the games
and she knows the score,
At the end of the day
She ain't tough anymore.

Cigarettes on the table
and a bottle of wine.
She's telling herself
That there is no more time.

She's taken it all
Every punch on the chin.
But now, left alone
She can't possibly win.

They take her and leave her
It's the same every time
Why does she always fall
For that same old 'love you' line.

Her lifes nearly over
She's counting the pills.
It's not what they told her
Excitement and frills.

I wish I didn't have to stay
I wish I could just fade away.

She learn't too much far to young,
And now she's told 'what's done is done'
In a fantasy world she escapes the past,
But the bubble always bursts,it never really lasts.

She's crying for all the years she's lost,
The loving received at a heavy cost.
At the end of the day she welcomed it all,
She couldn't fight, she was far too small.

But now she's older and wiser too,
More responsible for the things she will do.
Now, she still lets the abuse carry on,
To her any loving can't be wrong.

She sees it as always being the same,
That loving is just an emotional game.
At the end you get hurt, and the scars always last,
Will it ever be different from the past?