I never thought I could lose so much weight
I never thought I could be so disturbed
I never thoguht I could hurt so many
I never thought I would have survived

A thousand eyes look at me from every wall
I shake in fear at the implied pressure
As my anxiety grows my facade falls
and i am naked in front of you all

This side of me I dont let anybody see
My false smile and laugh extinct
My tears are close I must escape
Alone I am vulnerable and once more, my life I may take

As I fall further and further
I cannot understand
The way living gets harder.
Surely as each day passes
We are meant to become stronger
Except I am unstable and can grasp no longer

You left me, no more no less
just as I was getting ready to leap forward
you pulled away, emancipated
I am now devastated, broken hearted
I find my thoughts on you
Constantly lulling over what we started
I am dead already
Can it get any worse?

Blackened, bloody, broken, bruised
Fractured, hemorrhaging and relapsing
My heart, soul, mind and body belonged to you
Now alone they mean nothing
I am shredded,
Ripped into two.

You left me, no more no less
For stability I guess
I want to be livid with contempt
Yet my heart still lingers
On you, and hence
I am already dead.

As I fall deeper alone
The world around me means less and less
I see through tears
which can no longer flow
I am dry, exhausted
and weeping alone

My pain inside is indefinable
The 'Demonic' soul returned
I stamped it down
With you I survived before
Except I don't know
If I can any more

My logic is implicit
My pain is unendurable
My love is eternal, and yet
My wrists are explicit
The temptation it persists
Without you I am nothing.

Something odd just happened.
I feel strangely outnumbered.
There are only two of you
It usually takes more than that.

Such dark fantasy inside me is concerning.
I can't explain.
To express its tacit reality is impossible.

I'm amazed;
I'm overawed;
I'm aghast
At the ghoul like gloom I dream

Its been some time and the rhyme that you're about to hear, is getting near, and something to me is getting clear, that no matter how much cognitive therapy, or psychiatry, you throw at me, will reap the benefits that they proclaim to be.

It all started when I was born, and like a pawn, I grew up in a system of control and coercion that felt like emotional desertion, condemnation and intimidation. So school was bad, I was sad, and I knew I needed to be harder than that, but I didn't realise because I saw it as bad, and now years on I pay the price by being madder and madder, raving like a demented character playing a role in a show I no longer control.

And I'm sick of all these things in my life, which cause me angst, I don't give any thanks, for all the things I hate, and no matter what you state, my opinion of me seems to hold, neglected, derelict and low.

Preying like a deadly spell all the way from hell, Messing with the control of my mind and body, and nobody, seems to understand how bad it really is, they just take the p*ss. So listen to this and heed my call when I say that's all, what I mean is thats all!

This thing inside of me it represses me, it depresses me, it makes me angry at me. And the shadows cast out in the night, no longer frighten me, I want to fight them. I want to mangle strangle, disable obstruct, interrupt, deconstruct and retaliate, liquidate, hate and im so close to shadows now that my life hangs on wire, and my desire is for the last page in my book so i can take a look at what happens when my i think my last thought.