I started cutting at the age of 15, because of a broken heart and childhood experiences. I saw pain within ever since I was a little kid, from an abusive dad and watching my mother get everything from him. I felt pain but never told anyone about it, but kept it in just so I wouldn't make suffer the ones I loved. In the begining of my sophomore year I started seeing people I knew with scars, I heard about it, how cutting was taking in friends lives, I thought it was a really stupid way to get pain out, and I thought.... wow.... that should hurt, they must be dumb, why should they do that for??. Then I met a girl named Mary, she made me one of the most happiest humans ever for those 9 months....I was the most happiest person in the world, even though she didnt really treat me with respect, she made me happy. After some time she decided to leave me for one of my friends, that day my heart broke in two, and many thoughts starting rolling in my head, I got outside to check my mail when I felt in tears on the side walk. The first thing I saw was my mail keys, not thinking about anything I started to rub it against my wrist feeling nothing but satisfaction, I started slicing it so hard until blood ran out, it ran down and I was relaxed, then I realized what I did and felt scared of what people may say, what my parents will say, so I hid it pretty good. As time went off it became more often, everytime I'd remember her there was another cut in my wrist, then pain started coming from many ways, and this time from childhood memories, parents started having problems and everytime they yelled at me I'd remember everything and anger would flow in me, I'd run to my bathroom, let the water go, depress myself so much and once again grab the keys and did the same thing. As Mary became part of me again she saw the cuts and asked me why I did that, and she got mad at me, yell at me and run away from me, get mad at it, she thought I was stupid because of it. I felt ashemed like trash. I knew she wasn't worth not even my tears, and later on she was out of my life forever and more scars in my wrist. My brother saw one of the cuts one day and got scared and he told me he had the same depression as I did but he didn't show it, he's older than me and he wanted to help me get through this but he couldn't. I felt alone in the world, with no one in my side, I was trash.

I was involved in music industry for 3 years and later made me attached to drugs and fame. Been singer for a band that got really known around my area, made my problems even worst, I was not only hooked in drugs, but self harming. My parents didn't know anything about both and never did, and sometimes I think never will.

When I reached the age of 16 I had done about 100 shows already with my band and been one of the youngest hardcore singers ever, but there was a whole inside that only was covered with dirt, drugs and self harming. I had about 14 cuts in my wrist by that time. As time went on I became to trust in love again meeting a girl that was 2 years younger than me, Marlyn, I became attached to her, and felt that I had to leave my musician life, in another words that trashy life I was living, I wanted to change, I wanted to look good in front of her eyes, as now I'm with her 4 months, she's my life and for her I have changed my life around with the help of god and my brother. I no longer live my life with self harming, whenever I get depressions I think about something good, I want to live now, for myself, for the ones I love. I have 20 scars, 16 on my left wrist and 2 on my right and 2 ciggaret burns. Self harming became part of my life and pretty much runied it and my scars will never go away, those memories will stay there forever, but you can always change, you can always! I just hope my story gets to someone that does self harm, to tell them there is change, I learned to do things for myself and not for others,and that no matter what happens life goes on and it cant never stop or go back, thanx for this site for giving me opportunity to share this and hope it makes anybody who suffers from this think twice about hurting yourself in anyway.