Tracey has been self-harming since she was 12. "My mum left when I was seven and my dad is a very religious man. He used to call me evil for not going to church and my self-esteem plummeted. I had no one to talk to and all my frustrations about school and the family bottled up".

"The first time I cut myself I was 12. I shut myself in my room and slashed my arm with a razor. I didn't know why I was doing it, but it felt good to see the blood dripping from my arm. It helped me see all the anger, hurt and guilt coming out. I kept my arm covered up so no one could see what I'd done. I felt ashamed, but after the first time, I cut myself on a regular basis. There was no set pattern, sometimes it could be every day, but other times I might not do it for weeks at a time, depending how stressed I was feeling. After a while I moved to cutting my legs as it was easier to hide".

Then, at the age of 14, Tracey took three overdoses in the space of five months. "There was no particular trigger for this, I suppose things in my life had just been getting worse. But after the third time and having my stomach pumped I stopped, it didn't seem to be doing any good". But Tracey's cutting continued, she even started slicing her face. "It hurt, but after keeping everything secret for so long I was desperate for someone to notice what was happening", she admits. "However, if teachers at school asked what was wrong with my face I couldn't bring myself to tell them what I'd done. I'd say I'd walked into a bush or something, all the time hoping they'd realise something was seriously wrong. But they never did".

Aged 15, Tracey started seeing her mother regularly again and things improved for a while. "Mum saw my arms one day and was furious. After her initial anger she researched self-harming and I think she now understands. She's very supportive and with her help I gave up cutting for two years".

But when Tracey was 18 it started again. "My friends weren't there when I needed them, I felt completely alone, so I started cutting my legs and arms again. Since then it's only taken little set-backs, such as failing my driving test, to make me start again".

After four years, Tracey realised she needed help. "I went to see my GP, who referred me to a psychiatrist. He made me realise it was due to feeling alienated by my father and having no one else there. Knowing that helps. I don't self-harm as often now and havn't for five months. I've got a new job and even passed my driving test. My self-esteem has improved dramatically".

"Self-harm is still a taboo subject, but I think it's important to make people understand. Without self-harm I would have been dead a long time ago. It's how I've coped. While it didn't make me happy exactly, I felt calm and in control of my life. I've never felt guilty about it".