Lissa's Lyrics

You ask of me so little yet to help I do not know how,
you look into my eyes I see the pain you feel right now.
My heart it breaks every time I come to see you,
I try to listen to you, but really I know not what to do.
how can I make you feel better when your worse I do not understand,
how can I give you a hug when you wont even allow me to hold your hand.
How can I answeryour questions on when it will all go away,
I know you so want me to tell you, it will be this time on this day!.
But to lie to you I can not even though you think that I know,
all I can say to you is, I too hope one day it will go.
To hear what you see and you hear to hear what you feel deep inside,
Is the hardest thing I will ever know and for you I hold so much pride.
You are my little brother and forever I will love you so much,
every time we talk about things my heart you really do touch.
I wish upon all wishes that I could show you a brighter way,
and if I could I would swap places with you any time or day.
I wish I could understand more I wish I had powers so strong,
that will help me to take it away and give you the freedom you so long.
I ask you so many time what you want me to do,
I ask this of you brother as I would do anything for you.
But all you do is stare at me and cry and ask for help,
thats when my strength just crumbles when my heart just melts.
This is such a cruel world and the minds a delicate tool,
dont say that you are weak dont say that your a fool.
Listen to me dont hear your voices tell them to go away,
I know its true what you tell me its easy for me to say.
just remember you are not alone I will love you all my life,
I will try to help you mend and take away all your strife.
Iwish i had the answer you seek I wish I had the spell,
to get this out of your head and said it back to hell.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes I sit here and feel so guilty of enjoying my life,
while I think of my brother and all his strife.
I'm sitting here in my own room,
he's sitting in hospital with all that gloom.
I can go out and see a mate,
he can go nowhere, hospitals his fate.
I feel at best free my mind at ease,
he feels trapped his mind is teased.
He sees things different to you and I,
I smile at my life, for his I cry.
I torture myself, maybe, but I cant ignore his pain,
I often see his tears fall down his face like rain.
I phone everyday to speak to a nurse,
to ask how he is, everytime my heart I feel burst.
WHY? thats all I have ever asked,
why? has his mind by something else been masked.
I hope and wish that someone is watching over him,
to help him through what he calls a life so DIM.
A guardian angel perhaps or just someone he knows,
to help him get by as in life he grows.
Enough is enough surely the pain has to end,
all i wish for is happiness to him someone will send.
Protect and to guide,
to share and not hide.
To feel our love like its sent from above.
I love him so much,
I cross my fingers for luck.
everyday is a struggle a long path to ride,
but I will to go through this, right by his side.

~~~~~~~~~~

My brother called my phone last night,
said hes not at all alright.
called me for help said he was going to die,
I heard all this between each scream and cry.
I told him I was on my way, foot to floor we sped,
rang him while we made the trip he never heard a word I said.
He cried and said I'll be too late the voices are in his head,
there telling him such bad things and he's ignoring what I had said.
stay calm, I'll be there, please believe I really care.
I got there all alone, my brother had ended the call by throwing his phone.
I took the walk up a small garden floor, it seemed forever,
I saw his open front door. I felt scared of what I may see,
but someone had to and that someone was me.
He was there alone and sat in tears,
the journey to his house seemed like years.
I listen to him and talked when I could,
I gave him my words and offered my love.
I felt useless watching him in pain, tears of sadness fell like rain.
He cried, I cried, we talked, he slept, then all of a sudden up he lept.
I don't care what anyone says, this wasn't my borther he was so crazed.
He went for me in a verbal abuse, he scared me to death, I felt what was the use.
He threw a cup and punched a wall, said he didn't like feeling like this at all.
He carried on screaming and wishing ME dead,
said he wanted to close his eyes and die on his bed.
told me the ways he intends to end it all, my heart didnt beat,
I thought hearing his pain I would fall.
I wanted to free him so much from this thing,
I couldn't, we were in danger, so the police i did ring.
They came out and he calmed down a little,
but then they left and off he went with his whittle.
he cried some more and said he'd had enough,
life is a bitch and I'm not very tough.
we talked some more what else could I do,
no one came out not a doctor or again the boys in blue.
I left that night feeling everything he probably did,
basically it's a life and on that life a doctor would bid.
do we save him or let him go, this is how it feels this is so.
today they have choose to save his life once again,
they're sectioning him later, they now say he's insane.
five years we fight this battle,
what's it take to make a doctor rattle.
it could of been too late, one of us may not of been here,
what would they then say, oh another death , oh dear.
well this is not good enough, I will not see this happen again,
no more ignoring, no more pain.
I've decided today to start a course on the menatlly ill,
I want to learn everything from behaviour to pill.
by god this has to stop,
before someone really does pop.!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Here we go again same old feelings storys no change,
I'm flippin fed up with all this ignorance and pain no one cares no one hears,
he cries out and sheds his tears.
my brother slit his wrists this time,
in anger and pain,
he wished to call it a day,
so to the hospital a visit we had to pay.
They stitched him up and a lady came to talk,
me and my mum had to leave and we took a walk.
when we got back she spoke to us all,
said my brother was okay and there not worried at all.
so they sent him home after I told them what I think,
that the doctors couldn't see danger and I think it stinks!.
So same old story nothing new,
what they waiting for do they really know the job they do!.
I often wonder I often ask, is this such a difficult task?.
When some one needs help and is in so much pain,
when you can see his anger calling from his brain.
I can see it so can others,
the doctors choose to keep it hidden away just like old toys you leave in cubboards.
SO theres nothing left for me to do,
except watch my brother feeling blue.
to watch him cry and see his pain,
to watch him carry on with strain.
Isn't this a sad old life,
all this sadness all this strife.
well this is now left till another day,
when he gets mad and his anger wants to play.
then we will go to the docs again,
and still they will say hes not living in pain.
what do i do while this goes on,
what does he do when his suns not shone.
what a life ay!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt so alone?
have you ever felt fed up when no ones at home?
Have you ever beileved that you are "so right"?
have you ever till your blue in the face argued your fight
Have you ever heard someone talk when there not really there and answered them back?
have you ever in anger go mad and a wall yo have smacked
have you ever felt frustrated cant take no more
have you ever had to get out, walked away slammed the door
I sat here with my brother in mind with all of these things he does classed as menatlly ill,
but when i read it back i saw alo of these things are all what we do heres what i thought this is me....
I've feared someone whos not really there when I thought of ghosts and felt weary as I climbed the stair.
I've walked round the house doing my thing and then realized I was talking out loud to...well, nothing.
I've had a bad day and cried about my past, my mind has hurt and I felt my bad thoughts would last.
I've been cross and had to get it out, I've had a rant and a rave and a scream and a shout.
I've hurt someone before who's hurt me too, and for a while I've been glad they feel blue.
As a child at least I rememeber a time when I was teased and felt like I'd done a crime,
I self hurt myself you see I smoke fags, and believe me after one I feel glad.
I often do things or put things away, and after a while I forget like it wasn't that day.
I've felt happy before then a feeling of sadness has pounced,
I've thought about doing something then said, "oh it's the thought that counts".
I've looked in the mirror and not been happy with what I see,
I've been close to someone yet they seemed far away from me.
I've felt alone and needed a hug, then needed my space and fought them off like a bug.
I have felt so fed up and rang a friend for a chat,
then when asked what's up I can't tell them exact.
I've thought I was right then found I was not, but argued my point like I would not stop.
When I've been tired and miles away I've thought I heard my name,
I've shouted a reply and realized it was my mind playing games.
I've got cross before and smacked a wall kicked the door, got rid of my frustration and even swore.
I've reached a point where I'm fed up confused and frustrated,
I've had to leave the room cuz I've been irrated.
so as much as all this goes on in his life labled mentally ill,
its also in mine and I dont need a pill.
but these things hurt when you deal with them now and again
so think how does he feel when all his days long he's feeling this pain?..

~~~~~~~~~~

Hush little patient don't you cry,
here's a pill tonight not a lullabye.
Sleep tight sweet dreams go to your bed,
do not listen to the voices in your head.
Rock a bye patient on the pills top,
when the pill settles the pain may stop.
tuck you up tight, don't let the bed bugs bite,
with this medication you may sleep tonight.
Little patient blue, don't buzz your bell tonight,
as the nurses will be busy with a coffee and a bite.
This is how it is but it should be not,
care for the patients help the pain stop.
keep them safe and keep them warm,
like you and I they were all born.
why should they live in fear, why should they wonder why,
why should they have no shoulder for them upon to cry.
Give a dam or go away,
were not playin' here today.
Use your heart and use your mind,
just be there and please be kind.
They need love and they need care,
just like anyone so for god sake just be fair.
hold out your hand and take in it theirs,
a problem is easier when with some one it's shared.

~~~~~~~~~~

My brother was arrested tonight taken away by the law,
he had a fit in a public place, actually within a hospital door.
where's the justice? is there anyone out there,
for god sake this is enough, do they really not care.
He's ill, his care is poor,
it just leaves me feeling raw.
They say after five years there now not sure what is wrong,
i'm starting to feel angry, my mums no longer strong.
We have fought the mental health but fell on deaf ears,
like I have said this has been our fight for five years.
Are we alone can no one else see,
my brother needs help and soon so will we!.
I'm tired of the fight but I can not give in,
I need to see this through or his life forever will be grim.
They let him go after they took him away,
they sent him to hospital but again they said, "no we won't help him today".
Well thanks to them he's had another fit,
screamed at people and at walls he hit.
hurt my mum and made her cry,
but this is not his fault so tell me why?
why they won't help why the justice fails,
it's like were stuck in a rutt trapped behind rails.
No one will help they just dont care,
well now i've had it it's just not fair.
My mood is sad, my mood is scared,
there's only me and my mum who have ever cared.
what does that tell you about justice, about the mental health,
we seem to pay for life in a big way, is that it, its all about wealth!!!!

I'm cross tonight!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

People say "he's not normal" I hate that word what does it mean!,
people say "I can tell he's "not right" with my own eyes I have seen".
well I was taught as little that not right, means wrong,
not that somone who doest act the same as me, was weird and not very strong.
There is NO "normal" none of us are the same,
but let me tell you the ones who judge are always the ones who say their sane.
Why judge, why is this world so crule and weak?,
why is it that the peoples out look on others are so bleak.
Why do they stare at him because his mind is ill,
cant they see that those bad stares can kill.
Why is it when I explain why they must not stare,
that they then say "oh Im sorry lifes so unfair".
The sympathy comes flooding out when they see he's ill and not a yob,
sometimes when I hear these sympathy votes I want to say "oh shut your gob".
Because no one understands, no one seems to care,
they only want to deal with their lives not in someone else's share.
It's sad and it hurts its bad and it's wrong,
for understanding isn't hard, its just somthing that he longs.
Take time out and sit and think "normal" what the hell does it mean,
because no matter what you think "normal" is nothing you have ever seen!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

I've written a few feelings down on here,
about my brother and all my fear,
I've also read your poems you all write,
so I can understand what you all fight.
Some make me sad some make me cry,
O read your feelings and wonder why.
why do you feel so sad and blue,
why can't your lives me happy and true.
I feel for you as I read from the out side,
I wish I could help and go with you in your stride.
It's hard for me to take it in,
I feel sometimes very grim.
I want you all to listen now,
the pain you feel does not go a miss,
I know for you all your life dont feel bliss.
but your not alone they are people who care,
who want to stop and in you share.
So dont give up no matter how you feel today,
Because people like me are here if we may.
Your as special as the rest,
even if you dont feel at your best.
I know how it feels to struggle and fight,
its far from a pretty and wanting sight.
But your poems are moving you touch my heart,
If it wasnt for this site I wouldnt know where to start.
To express my feelings and clear my head,
to deal with all the things that I dread.
keep it going and remember while you write,
theres people like me who are here even if im not insight.

~~~~~~~~~~

You distance yourself from my hugs,
like you'd wave away flying bugs.
you talk to be like I am not known,
you discard me like rubbish thrown.
You hear me say only words I "do not" speak,
if you DO hear me it's such a treat.
I talk to you in an everyday way,
but your somewhere eles, you dont hear what I say.
You look so blankly as your caught in "your" mind,
I wish my world with yours would bind.
It's hard for me to see you ill,
nothing helps no talk or pill.
I so want to hold you in my arms,
to have my brother and all his charms.
I want you to smile and feel at your best,
i want you to be happy like all the rest.
I want you to know lifes not that bad,
instead I see you all alone and sad.
You push us away when we get close,
you dont see we are there when you need us the most.
it's like your on a train talking a trip,
but your train has stopped on the edge and you might just slip.
your not sure weather to take that next move,
so you have put hold on your journey in case you may lose.
I know you are scared but you are not alone,
just say you need me via letter or phone.
I'll be there and we will get back on track,
I'll help you where you may feel you lack.
we'll make that journey together,
please just never say never.
As one day I will give you a hug,
and you wont fight me away like a bug.
you'll hold out your arms,
and use all your charms.
And I wait for the day,
you hear what I say.
you'll feel at your best,
just like the rest.
I'll have you back,
we'll give illness the sack.

~~~~~~~~~~

I don't think much to the doctors of mental health,
excuse my thoughts but out of peoples illness they make their wealth.
they don't care, not from the heart,
if they did they would have helped my brother from the start.
instead they turned their backs on him,
and now his life is full of grim.
well yes the boy is ill here's a pill for him to swallow
then here's another for tomorrow.
then when that's gone call in again and we will see if he needs another,
this is not his child or friend but this "is my brother".
would they watch their own just suffer,
no, they wouldn't but they don't care if it's another.
well I'm fed up he needs the help and care,
if only they could see the pain we share.
they need a friend and they understanding,
they don't need lectures or repremanding.
come on doctors give a thought,
they don't as to be ill to them its brought.
just give a smile or give a dam,
this whole doctor thing is a sham.

~~~~~~~~~~

He says they talk to him day and night,
he says sometimes they will and sometimes they might.
he calls them the demons inside his head,
they even talk when he's in bed.
they tell him bad things about his looks,
then they tell him "OH WELL LIFE JUST SUCKS!"
he thinks the world are all against him,
they tell him he's leading a life of sin.
then sometimes they tell him he's better than the rest,
then next thing they tell him his life is a mess.
they haunt his thoughts take away his dreams,
they call with whispers then sometimes with screams
they make out it was us that spoke to him,
he calls us a name and thinks we are grim.
then when we say "but it wasn't us"
he gets mad and needs a buzz.
you see as well as the illness he too does drugs,
he says its the way he gets his hugs.
he feels normal when on this crap,
if he's not ill he's drugged or taking a nap.
that's what his life contains,
he acts like it's all full of games.
but he doesnt realize the danger he's in,
every time he has drugs he is throwing his life in the bin.
but it's no good telling him for he is ill,
and at the moment nothing will help not even a pill.

~~~~~~~~~~

He's ill they said, four years ago,
but did they help him, how about, NO.
they told us he had voices in his head,
couldn't go to hospital, there was no bed.
gave medication for himself to give,
he forgot to take it head like a siv.
my mum took over gave him his dose,
this hurt to watch I was far to close.
the drugs they turned him into a freak,
and a better life for him looked bleak.
he cried at night he called for help,
I felt useless my heart did melt.
I watched you turn from brother to ghost,
I hardly saw you I had to reach you by post.
you stayed in your house you kept away,
I prayed for you to come back to us one day.
then they took into their care,
a hospital room with others for you to share.
You didn't want to be there at all,
a section was placed and that was your call.
however they gave up on you and let you go home free,
only, the bad way you were in they did not really want to see.
I saw you change, I knew you not,
what could I do, this had to be stopped.
They wouldn't listen, your drugs sent you bad,
you stopped the drugs but still remained mad.
I watched you gradually get worse,
no one helped, no doctor or even a nurse.
you stopped living, you didn't care,
people in the street would stop and stare.
You said strange things and acted crazy,
life to you had become real hazy.
you didn't know what was right and wrong,
you turned to drugs and this you longed.
now four years on and still no joy,
I've lost my brother, mums lost her boy,
your in hospital now but how "so late",
your much more worse, in a right state.
I'll stand by you forever a day,
just hope you don't give up on us in anyway.
so I watch all this my brother in pain,
my heart it aches my tears run like rain.
I want you back to the world you once knew,
where the sun did shine and the skys were blue.
but you are scared and very sad,
how the hell can I be glad.
I cry every night, it hurt to see "you" cry,
why cant I help you, some one tell me why?.
life is so cruel and no one seems to care,
I hate the people who stop and stare.
I'm angery at the world who does not think,
they call him names and walk away with a blink,
they don't see his illness like I do,
they don't even care if they hurt him too.
I've watched him be beaten and heard cruel names be said,
I've hurt like hell as I wait by his hospital bed.
I've been by his side when he has woken from sleeping deep,
caused by tablets he's swallowed to make sure he sleeps.
I am acheing inside my heart,
I am crying still now as I did at the start.
I long for the day when he smiles at me,
I long for the day when my real brother I see.
I think of him daily, I love him so,
I wish this illness would just go.
no one understands him even I have to try,
all I can be is a shoulder for him to cry.
the people with illnesses are not just the ones who suffer,
in this case there's me, my mum and my brother.
its an evil circle when will it end,
all I wish is for my brothers mind to mend.
until that day I can only watch,and pray for this whole dam thing to stop.
but it hurts right now and I want it to stop.

~~~~~~~~~~