First and foremost I will introduce myself, my name is Lain and I am 20yr old and from Fife in Scotland. My self-harming began when I was 18 yr old. I was in a relationship at the time and had been for the past year of my life, everything was going great and I honestly thought at that time in my life nothing could hurt me.

That was all about to change one night. My boyfriend at the time was doing part time dj-ing and asked me to meet him at the local where he was playing that night for a school disco. I had the cold and I didn't want to go out and meet him when I wasn't feeling 100% healthy so I opted for the lying in my bed doped to the eyeballs with cold remedies. My sister was at the school disco so I knew I would get all the gossip anyway, lets say the gossip I got wasn't exactly what I was looking for. She came home that night and told me exactly what happened after the party. My boyfriend had slept with my 13yr old cousin. I cried all night but failed to see the truth until the next morning when I confronted him and saw it in his eyes that he had done what my sister said.

We had a major fall out and he slapped me. It knocked me over but I thought nothing of it he had NEVER hurt me in the past and I didn't think it would ever happen again. I was wrong. For the following year and a half I was getting beaten up every time I saw him, yeah we had some good times but mainly bad, where he told me I was ugly, fat, stupid etc.

That was when I began self-harming. I found a pair of scissors one day and whilst cutting paper I accidentally cut myself as I watched the blood our out my arm I didn't get the feeling I expected. It felt "good" in a way watching all my misery and pain pour out of me, for a small while I was stress and pain free. I began cutting on a regular basis with anything from a paper clip to a kitchen knife, and I cut nearly all my body to shreds. But continued to do so as I thought that was the only way I could get the misery and pain out my life for a short period.

I was very depressed as my job was making me just as unhappy. I felt I couldn't talk to anyone bar my doctor so I went to talk to him and he put me on anti-depressants. After being on them a year and a bit I left my job and found another doing tele-sales. I loved it.

I began in January of this year at my new job and I left my boyfriend in February 16th as everyone in my new job realised I never got those black eyes and bruises for nothing so I left him. It was hard as I still loved him but at the same time hated him if that makes sense.

I was still cutting myself when I split up with my boyfriend then one day whilst at work, a colleague approached me and told me a guy in the office knew exactly what was happening to me from the abusive relationship to my self-harming, and wanted a date as he found me attractive. Me being me though, I didn't believe him as I grew in time not to trust or believe what anyone told me even my parents.

However, things didn't work out that way and now we are in a relationship, engaged and living together. I have also stopped cutting myself and whenever I am stressed I feel NO NEED to cut or harm myself in any way. I just trust my fiancé and know that no matter what happens to me he will always love me for me.

When I first told him I was on anti-depressants and self-mutilating I expected him to leave me and find someone "normal", he DIDN'T he stood by me and gradually helped me come off anti-depressants and stop self-mutilating.

I still have all the scars to remind me how unhappy and miserable I was, how I let my ex boyfriend rule 2yrs of my life but life is a learning experience and I learnt from it.

My ex boyfriend and sister are very friendly and although I tell her what he is like and how when I see them or hear about them out and about I feel sick, I know deep down he cannot hurt her, as he is nothing bar a bully.

Please don't live in silence and NEVER let yourself be abused. You are better than that and no matter how sometimes life gets unbearable there is always someone who loves you very much and will never give up on you.

NEVER GIVE UP, LIFE IS TOO SHORT.