Sparkly Kat's Solitude
Email Sparkly Kat
with your comments.....
Destroyed My Life
Stopped
Life's Not Fair
Wish
Black Book
Voices
Bleeding
Shivering
Fire
This Life
Strength And Power
Forbidden Step
Wake
Free One Day
Happy People
Falling To Pieces
Closing In
No Way Out
I Cry, I Scream
Just The Same When I'm Gone
Destroyed My Life
I've been violated,
All freedom lost,
No faith restored
In human life.
Now I'm weak
And fail to trust
My own judgement.
I ache and scream,
Because I'm full of
Pain and strong anger
Towards the one who
Destroyed my life.
~~~~~~~~~~
Stopped
My brain has stopped functioning,
Stopped telling me I'm normal,
The mixed up feelings are no longer so formal.
My face shines with fear,
My body is a cut mess,
Yet I continue to stay here.
~~~~~~~~~~
Life's Not Fair
I've just stood out in the rain
Debating what to do,
I've got that lonely feeling again,
But these feelings aren't new.
People have got to my heart,
They never should have got there,
I keep falling further apart,
This life is no longer fair.
~~~~~~~~~~
Wish
I wish I could fly,
And wish this life away.
I wish I could skip good-byes,
And destroy my life today.
I wish I could keep drinking
And wish the bastard dead.
I wish I could prevent the cries
And numb my buzzing head.
~~~~~~~~~~
Black Book
The black book is open,
It holds all my fears,
Every single secret,
I've held through the years.
I carry the black book,
Where ever I roam,
It holds my life story,
Its with me when I'm alone.
The black book
Is the only reason I stay
I must protect it
For someone may find it one day.
~~~~~~~~~~
Voices
The voices in my head,
Are here once again.
Will I take more tablets
Or ignore these scary cries?
The voices in my head,
Are scaring me to death.
Will I drink more alcohol
Until my body dies?
The voices in my head,
Just won't go away.
Will I be here tomorrow
Or should I say my good-byes?
~~~~~~~~~~
Bleeding
I've just started bleeding
My life is pouring out
The sheets are stained
And blood soaked
It will never wash out
I've just started bleeding
My problems are pouring out
My friends just cannot cope
With all my problems
But why did they ever have to come out?
~~~~~~~~~~
Shivering
I'm shivering from the pain
It's continuing to press down on me
Making my life hell
It's such a misery
I cannot bear it anymore
I just wish it would go away
Stop making my life hell
And leave me to get on with the day
I'm shivering from the pain.
~~~~~~~~~~
Fire
I let the fire burn
To let the bastard go
I didn't know he would return
And make me blow all the flames out
To let him live on
So there'd be no need to pout
And attack the girl he'd found so much pleasure from.
I didn't know he'd hurt me
And destroy my frame of mind
Now I wish he'd stop doing this
And just let me be.
~~~~~~~~~~
This Life
This life scares me
It won't contain
All the pain
I've had to hide for so long
This life scares me
It won't hold
Everything I've had to fold
Away in my mind
This life scares me
To death
And I take my last breath
Of this life time.
~~~~~~~~~~
Strength And Power
My strength and power
Keep decreasing more
Every single hour
But I know its going to be a struggle
And will take out my energy
But the road to happiness
Seems so long and
I don't think I can cope
With the constant loneliness
I have to endure as
My strength and power
Keep decreasing more
Every single hour.
~~~~~~~~~~
Forbidden Step
I took a forbidden step
Into danger
And crammed all twenty
Into my mouth
In an attempt to kill myself.
I want to take a forbidden step
Into danger
And walk right off the bridge
Into nothing
In an attempt to kill myself.
I want to take a forbidden step
Into danger
And turn the gas up high and float
Into nowhere
In an attempt to kill myself.
~~~~~~~~~~
Wake
Wake me up
From my constant
Dream of deaths
And my morbid fasination
With the end of life
And my own death
But I just wish
I wasn't here and that
Someone would just
Wake me up and kill me
So I would no longer have
To dream of death
So I could be woken up to die.
~~~~~~~~~~
Free One Day
I never wanted to be here,
To visit, wait or stay,
The one thing that keeps me going,
Is knowing I'll be free one day.
I didn't want to do it
And one day I know I'll pay,
For the sins I have committed,
But I know I'll be free one day.
I didn't want to say it,
I know they don't understand,
But nothing really matters,
Because I've been set free today.
But freedom doesn't always last,
It will always go away,
But I'll continue living,
Knowing I'll be eternaly free one day.
~~~~~~~~~~
Happy People
I walk down the street,
Staring at all the happy people,
Not understanding their true happiness,
Because I will never be.
I dream almost everynight,
About all the happy people,
I'm ill because I have no happiness,
I will be permanantly ill.
I read about the lives,
Of all the happy people,
Screaming for my own happiness,
I will be screaming forever.
I will always misunderstand,
All the happy people,
Why were they fortunate to be given happiness?
I will spend my life alone and unhappy.
~~~~~~~~~~
Falling To Pieces
I'm falling to pieces
And losing my mind
I cannot stand to be here anymore
The pain is taking over my body
And destroying me
I need to know how long it will take
Before my body and mind will give up
And let me end this life of torture
To let me be eternally happy
For I will be dead.
~~~~~~~~~~
Closing In
The ceiling is low,
The walls are closing in on me,
The world is ending
This is the way I wanted it to be.
No one listens to what I say,
Now the walls are closing in on me,
Life is nearly over,
This the way I wanted it to be.
I forget everything I've done,
As the walls are closing in on me,
I'm nearly dead,
I'm glad it ended this way.
~~~~~~~~~~
No Way Out
No one seems to understand
That she needs someone to love her,
To notice her and care.
But as the tears run down her face,
She realises there's no way out.
No one seems to understand
That she wants to leave this place,
And start all over again.
So as her heart splits in two,
She realises there's no way out.
No one understands this person is me,
But my screams are not heard,
Or my presence acknowledged.
As the tears and screams begin to kill me,
I realise the only way out...
~~~~~~~~~~
I Cry, I Scream
I was meant to suffer,
Feel tortured and pained,
I cry,
I scream,
But sill no one cares.
Getting up every morning is so hard,
There's no point in living,
I cry,
I scream,
I'm giving up.
I feel so drained,
Totally lost and numb,
I cry,
I scream,
But no pain goes away.
~~~~~~~~~~
Just The Same When I'm Gone
Sometimes I just look around,
Everyday or so,
And see the pain the world's in,
And how it'll be just the same when I'm gone.
Sometimes I stop to stare,
To those who say they love me,
And see how much they really don't care
And realise it'll be just the same when I'm gone.
Sometimes when I think by myself,
How insignificant I really am,
And how I haven't made a difference,
And it'll be just the same when I'm gone.
My friends just wouldn't notice,
My family wouldn't care,
I'd die alone,
Knowing the world would be just the same when I'm gone.
~~~~~~~~~~
I've been violated,
All freedom lost,
No faith restored
In human life.
Now I'm weak
And fail to trust
My own judgement.
I ache and scream,
Because I'm full of
Pain and strong anger
Towards the one who
Destroyed my life.
~~~~~~~~~~
Stopped
My brain has stopped functioning,
Stopped telling me I'm normal,
The mixed up feelings are no longer so formal.
My face shines with fear,
My body is a cut mess,
Yet I continue to stay here.
~~~~~~~~~~
Life's Not Fair
I've just stood out in the rain
Debating what to do,
I've got that lonely feeling again,
But these feelings aren't new.
People have got to my heart,
They never should have got there,
I keep falling further apart,
This life is no longer fair.
~~~~~~~~~~
Wish
I wish I could fly,
And wish this life away.
I wish I could skip good-byes,
And destroy my life today.
I wish I could keep drinking
And wish the bastard dead.
I wish I could prevent the cries
And numb my buzzing head.
~~~~~~~~~~
Black Book
The black book is open,
It holds all my fears,
Every single secret,
I've held through the years.
I carry the black book,
Where ever I roam,
It holds my life story,
Its with me when I'm alone.
The black book
Is the only reason I stay
I must protect it
For someone may find it one day.
~~~~~~~~~~
Voices
The voices in my head,
Are here once again.
Will I take more tablets
Or ignore these scary cries?
The voices in my head,
Are scaring me to death.
Will I drink more alcohol
Until my body dies?
The voices in my head,
Just won't go away.
Will I be here tomorrow
Or should I say my good-byes?
~~~~~~~~~~
Bleeding
I've just started bleeding
My life is pouring out
The sheets are stained
And blood soaked
It will never wash out
I've just started bleeding
My problems are pouring out
My friends just cannot cope
With all my problems
But why did they ever have to come out?
~~~~~~~~~~
Shivering
I'm shivering from the pain
It's continuing to press down on me
Making my life hell
It's such a misery
I cannot bear it anymore
I just wish it would go away
Stop making my life hell
And leave me to get on with the day
I'm shivering from the pain.
~~~~~~~~~~
Fire
I let the fire burn
To let the bastard go
I didn't know he would return
And make me blow all the flames out
To let him live on
So there'd be no need to pout
And attack the girl he'd found so much pleasure from.
I didn't know he'd hurt me
And destroy my frame of mind
Now I wish he'd stop doing this
And just let me be.
~~~~~~~~~~
This Life
This life scares me
It won't contain
All the pain
I've had to hide for so long
This life scares me
It won't hold
Everything I've had to fold
Away in my mind
This life scares me
To death
And I take my last breath
Of this life time.
~~~~~~~~~~
Strength And Power
My strength and power
Keep decreasing more
Every single hour
But I know its going to be a struggle
And will take out my energy
But the road to happiness
Seems so long and
I don't think I can cope
With the constant loneliness
I have to endure as
My strength and power
Keep decreasing more
Every single hour.
~~~~~~~~~~
Forbidden Step
I took a forbidden step
Into danger
And crammed all twenty
Into my mouth
In an attempt to kill myself.
I want to take a forbidden step
Into danger
And walk right off the bridge
Into nothing
In an attempt to kill myself.
I want to take a forbidden step
Into danger
And turn the gas up high and float
Into nowhere
In an attempt to kill myself.
~~~~~~~~~~
Wake
Wake me up
From my constant
Dream of deaths
And my morbid fasination
With the end of life
And my own death
But I just wish
I wasn't here and that
Someone would just
Wake me up and kill me
So I would no longer have
To dream of death
So I could be woken up to die.
~~~~~~~~~~
Free One Day
I never wanted to be here,
To visit, wait or stay,
The one thing that keeps me going,
Is knowing I'll be free one day.
I didn't want to do it
And one day I know I'll pay,
For the sins I have committed,
But I know I'll be free one day.
I didn't want to say it,
I know they don't understand,
But nothing really matters,
Because I've been set free today.
But freedom doesn't always last,
It will always go away,
But I'll continue living,
Knowing I'll be eternaly free one day.
~~~~~~~~~~
Happy People
I walk down the street,
Staring at all the happy people,
Not understanding their true happiness,
Because I will never be.
I dream almost everynight,
About all the happy people,
I'm ill because I have no happiness,
I will be permanantly ill.
I read about the lives,
Of all the happy people,
Screaming for my own happiness,
I will be screaming forever.
I will always misunderstand,
All the happy people,
Why were they fortunate to be given happiness?
I will spend my life alone and unhappy.
~~~~~~~~~~
Falling To Pieces
I'm falling to pieces
And losing my mind
I cannot stand to be here anymore
The pain is taking over my body
And destroying me
I need to know how long it will take
Before my body and mind will give up
And let me end this life of torture
To let me be eternally happy
For I will be dead.
~~~~~~~~~~
Closing In
The ceiling is low,
The walls are closing in on me,
The world is ending
This is the way I wanted it to be.
No one listens to what I say,
Now the walls are closing in on me,
Life is nearly over,
This the way I wanted it to be.
I forget everything I've done,
As the walls are closing in on me,
I'm nearly dead,
I'm glad it ended this way.
~~~~~~~~~~
No Way Out
No one seems to understand
That she needs someone to love her,
To notice her and care.
But as the tears run down her face,
She realises there's no way out.
No one seems to understand
That she wants to leave this place,
And start all over again.
So as her heart splits in two,
She realises there's no way out.
No one understands this person is me,
But my screams are not heard,
Or my presence acknowledged.
As the tears and screams begin to kill me,
I realise the only way out...
~~~~~~~~~~
I Cry, I Scream
I was meant to suffer,
Feel tortured and pained,
I cry,
I scream,
But sill no one cares.
Getting up every morning is so hard,
There's no point in living,
I cry,
I scream,
I'm giving up.
I feel so drained,
Totally lost and numb,
I cry,
I scream,
But no pain goes away.
~~~~~~~~~~
Just The Same When I'm Gone
Sometimes I just look around,
Everyday or so,
And see the pain the world's in,
And how it'll be just the same when I'm gone.
Sometimes I stop to stare,
To those who say they love me,
And see how much they really don't care
And realise it'll be just the same when I'm gone.
Sometimes when I think by myself,
How insignificant I really am,
And how I haven't made a difference,
And it'll be just the same when I'm gone.
My friends just wouldn't notice,
My family wouldn't care,
I'd die alone,
Knowing the world would be just the same when I'm gone.