Snowspirit's Sanctuary

I see the change in others
But all is still for me.
I cannot dare to soar on high
A spirit winging free.

I can't be a butterfly
I have no way to fly,
No vivid coloured beauty
To lift me to the sky.

But I can dream......
Yes I can dream
How lovely it could be -
To flutter to the face of God
And touch serenity.

Just lead me to the exit
And say you hear my pain.
Understand I've given up,
That I can't take the strain -
All along I'm feeling lost,
A spirit with no will -
And it doesn't ease the suffering
Just because I know I'm ill.

The intensity of feeling
Emotions far too strong.
Don't know if change is possible?
I've been this way so long.
I'm waiting for my mind to set me free -
Just waiting
Yes, just waiting to be me.

Pick the A grade students
To be the Prefect ones.
Not thinking of the Z grade child
'A logic that just stuns.'
A's are in, Z's are out
No matter you're alone.
Teacher, you should go to hell
Because you should have known.

Pick the A grade students
As examples of the best.
Looking down on Z grade kids,
Like garbage - Unimpressed.
The pain that's caused by streaming
Will live throughout all my days,
'Cause teacher, you should go to hell,
For giving me no praise........

Recovery implies return
To state of good repair,
So how does one recover
When you never have been there???

I wish I could release you,
And take the hurt away.
So life would lose it's burden
And peace would come, I pray.

A gentle world I wish for you,
I hold you in my mind
And wrap my arms around
So comfort you will find.

Yes my kindred spirit
Even though we are apart,
You've touched my inner being
And dwell within my heart.

My heart is breaking slowly
For I want to know your soul.
I want to show the love I have,
And make your being whole.
But as I reach, you back away
Looking tearful, frightened, wild
With vacant look and longing
Of a complicated child.

The many years it's taken
To reach this distressed state
Will take the same to struggle free,
But I'll be here I'll wait.
I know you think I'm too remote,
Too occupied to care ....
But when you reach out on that day -
You'll find me waiting there.

The voyage should have ended then
But I reached into the black
And touched the one redeeming thing
And slowly brought it back.

It was the centre of my soul
Which flickered soft and pure.
I breathed upon the ember
And it's brilliance grew more.

From all consuming darkness
The glowing slowly spread
Transforming deadly yesterday
To hope for life instead.

The scars I bear cannot be seen,
They lacerate my soul.
The enemy is tireless
And killed my self-control.

There is no fallout shelter
Where I can safely hide
From bombs and guns and terror -
Ten thousand times I've died.

I long for war to finish,
To have a silent mind.
Where battle days are over
And peace treaties are signed.

This minute pill is magic,
It's sure to make you well.
You take it four times every day
And soon results will tell.
The side effects are minimal,
It needs no salesman's plug.
So take it little guinea-pig
Bla-D-Bla the wonder drug.

Omega is my parting,
That moment when I die.
When life departs my tired frame
And lets my spirit fly.

Dimentions change, we know not how,
The unexplained resound
We hardly know a thing at all
About lifeforce around.

Alpha to Omega ...
What can power intend?
For there was no beginning,
And there can be no end.

When your past enfolds your body,
And your future holds your soul.
Nothing's lost from your being when you die.
You only move dimentions
For nothing can be lost,
And the 'S' word holds all the answers why?

It's not evil, it's not wicked,
It's an answer to a prayer.
It will stop the misery from me to you,
And it could be given blessing
With no blame or shame to bear,
For the 'S' word seems the rational thing to do

That's right, close your eyes.
Shut the bad times out.
Block the pain that they create,
Don't face what it's about.
But the tasks impossible,
You never can break free.
You're hiding in a broken boat
Upon a stormy sea ...

The echo's of your living
Cannot be removed.
They will not vanish into air
Or memories be improved.
The story of your being
With it's sadness and it's flaws
Must bear the calm acceptance
That the history is yours.

For hell is where I'm burning now,
It's stolen all my years.
I see a place consumed with hate.
My nightmare world is here

I want to wake and sieze the day,
To understand all things.
I want to feel the pulse of life,
And know the joy it brings.

I'm waiting for tomorrow,
But tomorrow won't arrive.
But still I want to feel and say,
"It's good to be alive."

I want to have no feeling,
I want to fade away,
And find a place of nothingness
Where there's no night or day.

I want to be nonentity,
I want to not exist,
And be in shroud of darkness
A deep and lasting mist.

I want to have no senses,
I just don't want to know.
The pain of life is overdose.
I want to be zero . . . .

There are no edges, shapes or forms,
Just the brightness to be found.
Love is brilliance, radiance holds me,
Paradise is all around.

The shafts of light go on for ever
Showing me I'm not alone
Enfolding me with golden sunbeams
I just know I'm coming home.

Come walk with me to tomorrow,
A place where there is no fear.
Where no-one feels a loneliness
For love and hope is here.

Come take that step into mystery,
Removed from the violence of Earth.
Like Pheonix arose from the ashes,
We can embrace a new birth.

Come, it will be but a moment,
Then on into destiny -
Washed by the waters of mercy,
Our spirit will truly be free.

I was talking on the phone and everyone could see
I was talking on the phone and no one cared.
But down the cable came two thousand vaults of pain
And as I cried the whole world cheered.
I opened up a box and everyone could see,
I opened up a box and no one cared.
I was placed inside that box and buried in the earth
And as I cried the whole world cheered.

There is a 'Place of Safety'
But it's very hard to find
You have to meditate and look Deep within your mind.

My daytime had a struture
The nightime was for sleep.
My energy was boundless
Then I'd fall into a heap.

People would approach me
As a human of some worth
They'd speak to me of mundane things
And share with me some mirth.

But now I live as someone else
A stranger to avoid.
Just seeing me creates alarm,
And makes them feel annoyed.

I see them now as narrow,
They can't see what I see.
I've learned the many lessons
That depression's shown to me.....

HOPE's just a word that's illusive to me,
But I struggle to find it so my soul can sing free . . .

You are the sun breaking through my blackened skies
In the darkness you're the only star.
You're my day, my night, you're all power, all hope
There is peacefulness and refuge where you are.

I'd like you to win but I cannot say you will,
For I'm broken and don't know what to do.
I'm scarred, scared confused. I've fallen off this world
And don't know if I can see this lifetime through.

I'm needing you to listen, to understand, to see
That I can't control my thinking,
Want to die, or want to be.
In my troubled mind a battle rages on
And the fear that engulfs me is the fear that you've gone.

I do know I love you, but don't know quite how ...
I long to be with you, and I want it to be now.
You are special, really special
And I need all you give
For you are my hope and the reason to live.

The Great Wall of China would be easier to walk
Than lying on this couch with the hope that I will talk.
The silence can be deafening when I'm struggling with my mind,
But you're patient with your patient and you're sensitive and kind.

If you travelled to the moon it would be a smoother ride
Than uncovering the truth of the things I want to hide.
The dreams that I bring you are so complex and so wierd
A few really funny, many more to be feared.

To re-create Creation would be a lighter task
Than opening Pandora's box and peeling off my mask.
But you don't give up so easy, you've accepted real me,
And sought to teach the lesson that all I can do is ...BE...