Loud, brash, populous,
Noisy, dirty, crass
And buzzing like a demented bee
The Big Apple hits you in the face
Like a blow from a heavyweight boxer.
Love it or hate it
It has been a mecca
For generations of people
From around the world.
Today I made my pilgrimage
To this sacred place.
I joined the teeming masses
On Broadway and Times Square.
I offered my sacrifices
In the inner temples of Macy’s
And other emporia.
I heard, saw, tasted, smelled
And felt the vibrancy
That is New York,
But I also realised
That the Big Apple
Only reflects our society
Which is rotten to the core.
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Your soft little body
Lies quite still.
Head on paws
You could just be asleep.
But there is no light in your glazed eyes,
No rhythmic rising and falling of your chest,
No swish in your tail,
Not even a hint of the purr
That always told me
Of your unconditional love.
Your last resting place is the vet’s table,
You are at peace now,
I will never forget you
And as I say my last goodbye
I want to cry but tears won’t come.
I go through the door,
Turning to see your lifeless form
For the last time.
Then I am gone
Back into a world
That knows nothing of my pain,
Only the pain of those
Who are able to show their feelings.
My only comfort is that
One day our lives may converge again
And we will be together for eternity.
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Gazing into the half light
I watched the sun go down
Over the beautiful islands of Bermuda.
A huge orange fireball
Hovering on the horizon
It clung on bravely to the sky
In a last desperate bid
To reign supreme over the earth:
But, finally losing the battle,
It slipped over the edge of the world
And was gone.
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Praise God?
Who is this extra-terrestrial superbeing?
I neither know him
Nor have I ever seen his face.
Does he exist only in the minds of those
Who have no explanation for their being
And believe a power beyond all reasoning
Is responsible for all that happens
In this beautiful, malevolent world?
Why should there be one creator?
Sometimes an altruist, sometimes a malefactor
But always omnipotent.
Surely those on this earth should take responsibility
For their lives - good or bad.
We have the capacity to create or destroy
Just as the God who dwells within us.
When we find him
Laudate Dominum.
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The ship glides effortlessly
Through the water,
Surrounded by an impenetrable fog,
A ghostly galleon
On a ghostly ocean,
The grave of many brave men.
In spite of the fog
Their voices can be heard
Crying out in their death throes.
But I am also screaming into the mist,
Is my pleading to be lost
In the cacophony that
Is distorted by the
Fog over the Atlantic?
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"The train is now entering the tunnel
Please remain seated for the entire journey."
Oh how I would love to stand and experience life passing by.
I hope the tunnel is short,
Where is the light at the end?
How long will it be before the time I entered
Becomes a distant memory?
Thirty years on and the reality hits me like the Hiroshima bomb,
Total devastation.
So this is it, my life is a libation
Pouring down the tunnel, faster and faster and faster
Than the train and no brakes.
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Why are we upon this earth?
A question that has remained unanswered
Throughout history.
The first cells to have life were not equipped
With the technology that is ours
But, still, we are as primitive as they were
In our knowledge of the meaning of life.
Did man engender man?
Was it human? Or was it a deity
Who designed us as part of a greater plan?
Was it a supernatural entity that created us
Solely for his own pleasure,
To use and abuse us at will?
Surely this cannot be the God of Love
Promoted by the religions of those
Who are seeking, just as we all are seeking
For ourselves and our place in the universe.
There is so much suffering in the world.
Does that have a meaning too?
Did God really design us to suffer so cruelly
With physical, mental and spiritual torment?
If so, why?
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I open my eyes with trepidation
Today is another day.
Will this be THE day?
The day when I shall wake from slumber
To find the nightmare
Of my existence
Has left me in peace,
No longer will I have to struggle
To keep my sanity.
I close my eyes with resignation
Today was another day
And it wasn’t THE day.
I now try to sleep
Only to enter the nightmare
Of my existence
From which I so badly want peace.
The struggle goes on
And I am left to hope
For the hopeless
And my sanity has to wait
Yet another day
To reach its apotheosis.
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It came in the night
Crawling on its belly
Like a snake in the grass.
I knew it not,
Neither by name
Nor by appearance.
All those years ago
My brain was taken over
By another life force
Which fed off my intellect
And my personality.
Now I am just an empty shell
Sucked dry by my
Psychological doppelgänger,
My demon.
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I do not understand
Why you said you’d miss me
When I’m gone.
Do I really have the ability
To touch lives as you do?
I can’t imagine why you say
Nice things about me.
I can see your goodness
Shining through
But how can you see the same in me?
I value your friendship
Yet wonder what I do to deserve it.
You encourage me
When life is difficult,
You believe in me
When I don’t believe in myself.
You are always there for me
When I need a friend.
But I do not understand
Why you said you’d miss me
When I’m gone.
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What is happiness?
What is sorrow?
What is confidence?
What is joyful anticipation?
What is sympathy?
What is love?
I know fear,
I know anger,
I know hatred,
I know I’m a failure.
Life is a struggle.
Inch by inch
I am losing the battle
With my psyche,
When I go
I won’t even leave a ripple
On the water of life.
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I wake from a troubled sleep
Into yet another troubled day,
My bed is comfortable,
I feel safe under the warm, soft quilt.
I have to tell myself
That all is well within these walls,
Only then can I make the transition
From horizontal to vertical,
Death to life.
However, life is as difficult as death,
The fear of the unknown
Preventing me taking my place
In a world of violence, threat,
Hate and indifference.
I am frightened to leave the safety of my home
But I know that I must
Or I’ll become one of the many
Prisoners of fear that exist in the world
Whose worst nightmare is the transition
From vertical to horizontal
Life to death.
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